HOW SOFTWARE COMPANIES HIRE PEOPLE?

Category: Office Humor

Cognizant Method :
Hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do. give him gobi 65 to eat again and again. hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit give them same gobi 65 to eat hire 200 more....... and more .......

TCS method:
Hire a lion give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM's metbod:
Hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour... he dies of unemployment...

Syntel Method:
Hire a Cat ... assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite. Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:
Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job. Lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:
Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion.

Polaris Method:
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) .. change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM) cut down his allowance (coupons etc) lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Patni method:
Hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat... the lion dies before joining....

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion, give him a mail Id. he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!

Accenture Method:
*Hire a lion.... ** Send him to chennai Ask him to stay on bench for a long time Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL... No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger". Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......

Imagine if 1 INR = 45 USD !!!

Imagine if 1 Rupee= 45 $ ??

Here is an old imagination... but renewed now...

What happens if ONE INDIAN RUPEE = FORTY-FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS !!!

There'll be tremendous improvement in the economy of India. India's exports will increase, imports will decrease ad ...

India becomes a super power as Economy is Power.

That is this. Yes. From today on,

"ONE INDIAN RUPEE = FORTY-FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS"

Imagine... from then, this may happen...

SCENE 1

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York, US

Some s/w engineers are seeing Photos.

s/w engg 1 : What's that?

s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India.

s/w engg 1 : WOW! Let me see. Which is this place?

s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Ramanthapur, Hyderabad.

s/w engg 1 : WOW! And what is this? He's got an TVS 50 also.

s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). Sexy yaar. This guy enjoys life man...

s/w engg 3 : You know how much a TVS 50 costs? Nearly 200K. Say it in dollars...

s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.

s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.

[Everybody excited.]

SCENE 2

Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco, California, US

s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected

anytime. Soon I will fly to India

s/w engg 2 : Ohhh... When is the party?

s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.

s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?

s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in Madhapur.

s/w engg 2 : Oh! Madhapur. Great yaar. where'z it ...

s/w engg 1 : It is in Hyderabad.

s/w engg 3 : Exciting place yaar. Nice climate Not like California. You’ll love the weather yaar.One of my friends is in Jaipur,Rajasthan...He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.

s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?

s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Hyderabad?

s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MCH. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.

s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.

s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?

s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.

s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control.I hate this.

s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

SCENE 3

Venue: IBM, New York, US

(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)

Male : Hi!

Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.

Male : What??

Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his B.Tech in Al-Habeeb College and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in BEBO (Bharat Electricity Board). We planned to settle in Mehdipatnam itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...

Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...

SCENE 4

Venue: Intel Corp. US

s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the Al-Habeeb College in Hyd with scholarship for B.Tech ( EIE). A great new field yaar...

All are excited...

George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.

s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.

S/w engg 1 : B.Tech in Electronics And Instrumentation ...ohh...man, enjoy your life there?

s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh?

George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 120 Rupees per Year. . . (sooo great)

s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.

s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud) Hmmm... 120 Indian Rupees ...! That means 120 * 45 = 5400 Dollars... with that amount I can buy a three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!